my aunt.....

My aunt passed away nearly two weeks ago. She had Alzheimer's.  My cousin wrote the following, and it was read at her funeral. I copied and pasted it here. I decided to share what he wrote.....

Dad,

 

Like everyone, I had a lot of things going through my head during Mom's passing.  I took the time to write most of them down, mostly to benefit myself, but also to share with you.

 

I love you and want you to know I'm OK.

 

Friends, Family, and Empty Chairs

 

Recently much was made of Clint Eastwood strangely talking to an empty chair.  The scenario struck home with me as I once found myself having a conversation with an empty chair (more on that later).  A lot of things come into your mind when you’re taking the 45 minute drive west in response to the call that I knew would someday come.  My mind was drawn to dwell on the empty chairs in my life.  For a while now, there’s been an empty glider rocker in Dad’s family room, and an empty chair in the same house at the west end of the dining table.  There’s even a high boy chair next to the pull tab machine at the Legion which is empty more often than it used to be.  I kept thinking about the increasing number of empty chairs that we all experience and deal with as our lives extend here on earth.  My mind wandered to Doug’s empty lawn chair at bear camp up north and the recliner that I’m sure was a part of Charlotte’s house.  I thought about the chairs at Kay and Roland’s dining table in which you were always welcome to stop in for a visit and some hospitality even if as in my case, you were 30 years their junior.  I thought about my Grandma Irene, and it took a while as thinking back, it seemed she was always up as the hostess for so many wonderful family gatherings.  Then it struck me, Grandma’s empty chair was at the card table in which we played huckley buck so many years ago as the highlight of so many of those family gatherings.  Then I went on to my Grandpa Tim, I quickly thought of a saddle on one of Barb and Harland’s horses that went empty a long time ago.  Not to mention the driver’s seat of the car in which Grandpa and Grandma drove me and my sister west on a trip we’ll never forget.  I got overwhelmed thinking about how many empty chairs are out there for all of us.

 

Now about that conversation I had with the Glider late one night at Mom and Dad’s house: 

 

I’ve heard some of mom’s friends express how difficult it was to visit Mom since she went to New Richland, as she just wasn’t Betty anymore. I want you to know, I too dealt with the same issues.  This is my experience and it might help her friends as well.  Mom most certainly wasn’t the same person as Alzheimer’s advanced and took over her life.  I started talking to that Glider one night and was telling it how much I missed my mom and eventually how sorry I was that I didn’t have the courage to visit more often than I had.  I thanked that chair for the wonderful job her and dad had done in passing on their values to me.  I told the chair that I was genuinely happy in my life, and that I owed a debt to Mom and Dad that I would never be able to repay.  That weekend I did stop to see Mom in New Richland on my way home to Mantorville.  She greeted me with a smile as she always did (including my visit this past Saturday when she was barely responsive, she smiled when I began to speak to her and I will never forget it).  Anyway, later during our conversation that day, of which were mostly one sided by then, the strangest thing happened.  Mom got all serious and out of the blue took a moment to tell me how proud she was of me.  I thanked her and had to cut my visit short.  I cried all the way home…  In the end I was at peace with myself.  Thanks to Mom as it was as if for the brief moment she knew what I was going through like mothers always do, and let me know it was OK?

 

Back to the chairs:

 

Friendships were a huge part of my mom’s life and many of her friends will be at the funeral.  It was crystal clear to me how important her friends and family were when we tried to compile a list of her interests.  Gathering with friends topped the list.  We said mom liked to travel, but I tried to think of a trip that mom and dad ever took alone.  Summer vacations when I was growing up were always with family or friends. I honestly can’t think of trip in which mom and dad didn’t travel with at least some of their friends or family.  I know for Mom that sharing the experience was as important as the destination.  On my trip to New Richland my mind wandered to all of Mom’s wonderful friends, so many of which I also consider my friends.  That is one of the gifts my parents gave to me of which I will always be in debt.  My Mom’s value of friendship and her desire to share experiences with her friends was foremost in her life, and she passed that on to me. 

 

My thoughts about empty chairs eventually took me in a direction that I didn’t expect, but no longer made me feel sad.  I started to think about the empty chairs that are out there waiting for us thanks to God and the wonderful gift of his son.  One of the chairs in Heaven got taken this past Monday, and I know Mom was greeted by my Grandpa and Grandma, Kay and Roland, Ed, Harlan, Jodi, Doug, and many others…  That’s the good news in all of this, eventually we will all get to gather again.  As each of us arrives you can bet Mom will be there to greet us with a smile, others will greet us with a handshake, a hug, a pat on the back, or even a kiss on the cheek.  Loved ones will get to greet us more intimately.  In the end, I know we will all get to join my Mom and gather together again.  The good news for all of us is that she’ll be Betty again.  And the better news is that I know she’ll be happier than ever getting to gather with us all for an eternity of good times.

 

Thank You Mom!!!

I feel like a need a picture....here is an old one from way back when. It is me with two of my youngest sisters and two of my cousins. We loved playing in this playhouse. It belonged to my aunts when they were little girls. 

It is Saturday, the only thing planned for today...... is sewing!